Star Wars Episode 3 point 1
by Street Preaching Maniac
Summary: A batch of shorts loosely related to Star Wars. Listen to the Republic when they say...Don't trust a Jedi, Join us today!


The maniac is sat in a crowded cinema looking considerably drained and bored. The words 'Rise Lord Vader' are heard as he looks up, suddenly excited.

"YES! It's ali-i-ive! Come on everyone join in!"

He stands up and begins shouting the Darth Vader theme.

"Dun dun dun! Dun da-da! Dun da-da!"

_Presenting for no particular reason!_  
**Random Star Wars Shorts!  
Star Wars Episode 3.1**

_A long time ago in a galaxy far far away…um another war broke out!…yeah, with some bad guys…in spaceships!…there's light sabres, and no jar-jar…you'll like it!_

_Dr Yoda M.D. Psychiatrist  
Mental health or money back you will have._

Yoda sat at the side of the sofa on which a patient was reclined, looking particularly distressed.

"Tread carefully you must, Mr Smith. The feeling of loss is a dreadful path to the Dark Side."

"What? What the hell are you talking about? I need psychiatric help not Jedi guidance!"

"Master Yoda is getting to that. Now, this ailment gets to you it does?"

"Yes, I've really felt weighed down by it. It makes me angry- -"

"Agh! A path to the dark side anger is. Beware feelings of anger towards others…"

"But I'm angry at…I'm feeling…You know what, just- -just forget it! You're not helping- -"

"Malice you feel currently. Be careful of- -"

"Shut up! Just shut up!"

The patient ran out of the office, slamming the door behind him. Yoda sat in his oversized leather chair and leaned back.

"Well, another happy customer gained I have!"

- - -

_Meanwhile at Coruscant National Bank_

"I'm sorry Mr Kenobi but your account is considerably overdrawn."

"Hmm…"

He waved his hand across the banker, "You will lend me money regardless…"

The banker repeated robotically, "I will lend you money regardless here is your sack of money Mr Kenobi."

- - -

In the midst of a big outer-space battle a tie-fighter collided with a rebel ship. The two ships crash-landed in the middle of a desert.

The tie-pilot climbed out of the ship and began surveying the damage.

"Hmm, shattered windscreen, one wing missing, melted framework…ah hell! Where's that moron, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind."

He stomped towards the relatively intact x-wing. The rebel pilot emerged, dusting himself off.

The rebel said, "Ah looks pretty bad, we'd better swap insurance details."

"Yeah your life insurance ya bastard!"

"Hey! You hit into me first, you dinged my x-wing you jerk!"

"Oh that's it! You wanna piece'a this!"

The pilots started a clumsy fist fight. The rebel grabbed the tie-pilot in a headlock and punched his head repeatedly.

The tie-pilot shouted insults at the rebel before kicking him between the legs as hard as possible. The rebel tipped over onto the floor, writhing in agony.

He looked around and saw a band of angry tusken raiders in the distance.

"Hey the rescue team are here!"

- - -

**Jedi Handyman Services!**

A woman was standing outside the front door of her house searching for the key.

"Oh damn, I forgot the key again! (gasp) The Jedi Service!"

"Fret not, citizen! I'll get that door open!"

The jedi ignited his light sabre, grinning, "No problem at all!"

He proceeded to jam the light sabre through the keyhole, melting the lock off. A loud scream is heard from behind the door.

The jedi pushed the broken door open, "There you are madam and- -ooh dear..."

He turned around, clearing his throat, "…Jedi away!" He sprinted off into the distance.

- - -

_**Ben-Kenodryl Consumers** -General Grievous_

Grievous was sat in his chair. Explosions were rocking and crumbling the ship to pieces around him, yet he seemed abnormally calm.

"My life was hell when I was put in charge of the droid armies. I had the most terrible chesty cough, my throat felt like sandpaper whenever I coughed. But that's before I discovered Kenodryl!"

"Don't let the Dark Side get you down! Kenodryl uses soothing healing powers of the force to cure sore throats and chesty coughs within hours! The force waves soften and clear congestion, leaving you with that fresh light feeling all through the day."

"Kenodryl has made my job so much easier and enjoyable! Now I can carry on and- - -oh crap! Here come the Jedi!"

He dashed off camera…before quickly coming into shot again, rapping his fingers together in an evil fashion.

"Buy our products!"


End file.
